Well we started the end of May with a severe bout with a stomach flu after Rock & Roll that hit the whole family. After we fully recovered from that summer was here...or at least for us since Fuss got out of school early. I did run Helvatia only to jack my IT band up and not be able to run the last 3 miles and have my worst race so far. Well I figured I would just rest up and after Montana just get back to my training so my leg could heal. I wasn't planning on spending the rest of the month in and out of the Dr's office, ER or urgent care with both girls. It was more than draining to say the least. I was ready to hit the trail again but as soon as we got back from Montana my hip started hurting badly, then my back then.....where does it end. I am now realizing that my marathon this year will not happen and that pisses me off. And all the while I have been sticking to a strict diet to help with my IBS. Which at least that has helped.
So I have come to the conclusion that this year was not totally a bust. I got 3 halves in and I still have some time to get a few more races in. They may not be the ones I wanted but I will get some in.
I have also realized that my body is begging to get healthy. I have stuck to my eating restrictions and even now when I could start adding stuff back in I am not sure I want too. It is now more of a habit and I actually enjoy it to some degree. I am down to a weight I have not seen since my early 20's and just a few lbs away from my weight in high school which is quite fitting since it is my 20 year reunion this weekend.
I have been battling the evils of self destructive thoughts. I think I am a failure for not hitting all my goals but then I have to remember even I thought I was nuts to have the goals I did for the year. But as I have been trying to come to terms with it all....I am very competitive with my self even and this seems minor but is a huge struggle for me.....I have to realize I have done a lot and I have learned so much about myself this year so far. And I wouldn't give that up for anything.
I have learned I am much stronger than I have ever thought I was. I have learned my husband is the most amazing man I could have ever asked for and loves me more than I could have asked for or deserve. And my 2 little angels, if it wasn't for them I wouldn't be whole. They do make me who I am now and I love them more than they will ever know.
And I have also had to come to terms with the fact that putting your head in the ground when something is happening that you don't want to see or something you can't fix won't make it go away. And I do have demons of some OCD that will always be a battle.
The main thing is I need to have fun with life and go with the flow and try...try so very hard to just be the best person I can be and the rest will fall into place. And that includes getting rid of some influences people and things that don't make me happy. I have too much stuff that doesn't belong in my life or our family's life. And too many people that really don't have any place in my life especially on FB.
So here is to working on the motto I would love to live my life by....You have life and need to live it to your fullest and without too many regrets.
Cheers and happy days ahead.
