Round 2

So I knew with  my pregnancy with Lindsey it wasn't going to be the "normal" experience.  I was pregnant and my mom was battling cancer.  And my pregnancy was the one thing it seemed our family could be excited about at that time in our lives.  My mom clung to it and focused on it.  She used all the strength she had to make it to see Lindsey Lou come into this world. 

I really debated in my head if I could do another pregnancy...mentally.  Physically it takes a toll on my body.  I might produce healthy babies but my body is beaten down by the time it is all done.  I didn't even know how I could mentally handle being pregnant and not being able to talk to my mom every day.  Last April when I found out I was pregnant I was excited and scared all at the same time.  There had been a lot of deaths on both sides of the family after a baby had been born and I just couldn't take someone else dying after having a baby again.

But this time it was different.  I realized I could make this pregnancy as calm or as crazy as I wanted.  I knew after Mindy was born I needed some calm and peace in my life that I didn't have when Lindsey was born.  I craved it and was very excited to know I could make it happen.

The funny thing with plans...they are just that.  You can't plan for getting sick or getting injured.  You just have to roll with life and see where it takes you.

I had master plans of recovering fast from my c-section, loosing my baby weight, running in a 1/2 marathon 6 months after giving birth.  Well I didn't plan for postpartum, I didn't plan on Rob's back getting bad a month after having Mindy and I didn't plan on the differences from one child to the next.

Now I almost find it amusing that even without the craziness and sadness of my first pregnancy there is still all of that but in different ways and different variations with my second. 

There have been so many life challenges that have been thrown at me these past 5 years.  I am now just hoping I can learn from them and maybe even someday embrace them.  All of these stresses haven't killed me yet so they must be making me stronger.  And most importantly I hope...just hope it will help teach my girls that we are strong enough to make it through anything that God throws at us.  Some days it doesn't feel that way but I am still standing and still loving the life I do have.