Accountability

Accountability is just one of those words that can mean so much.  I have come to realization that I need to be honest and say I need to be accountable to someone else to some degree at least for awhile.  I was so proud of myself the other night when I reached for the grapefruit at 3am (needing to pump) instead of those darn cute and yummy chocolate teddy grahms from TJ's.  Hey they are low fat and all but the grapefruit was the better choice.  =-)  But when it comes to my workouts I am biting the bullet and contacting my trainer again.  I do love my workout video and all but with having 2 little ones to deal with doesn't always give me the time I need.  It isn't the most fun to have to stop in the middle of your workout to nurse and then try and jump right back in and finish.  So Liz will be getting an email and I will be getting my butt back in a routine.  Mindy hasn't had any issues with being at the daycare at the club and Lindsey doesn't ever want to leave....so it is time for more than the mid morning DVD and to get serious.  I feel like I am at the teetering point.  That point where you just back slide or you start going full tilt.  I want the full tilt.  I love pushing myself at things I never thought I could/would do.  I have lost a few more pounds but it still isn't enough.  I want to be at that point where I am on auto pilot.  I was almost there last year about this time and then a little something was brewing in my tummy so that all changed.  So here I am again a year later wanting to get to the point where I don't even think twice about doing my workout where I crave it and it won't be a second thought to grab the grapefruit instead of those yummy little cookies.  So Liz I am going to be a calling and just so you know I need to be accountable to you for now and eventually to me.

Happy Dance for the FAT Pants!!

Yes I am serious here.  I know most people would not be excited to fit into their fat pants....but boy am I EVER!!!  When you have a C-section you can't lift anything heavier than basically your baby for 6 weeks and in my case I hadn't been to the gym for so long from being so sick during my entire pregnancy.  So beings I had a late start to get the weight off then I took time off when everyone had colds here, I was way behind schedule.  So today I was tired of wearing my 2 pairs of prego pants with the elastic waist and decided to try on my fat pants.  I do have to say they are a bit snug around the waist but they fit and it didn't hurt to wear them.  :-0.  And I fit into a pair of capris pants even tho it really isn't that kind of weather yet I am still happy I can wear them.  I don't have the best will power so working out everyday lately and trying to eat real healthy has been hard to get back into.  But for me today it was a happy dance.

Three CHEERS for the FAT PANTS!!!  Now I can't wait to say I have to go buy some new ones when these are too small!  But one step at a time.  And even when Rob kinda laughed when I said hey I can fit into my fat pants...it was a good laugh it just sounds weird to be excited about.....I am going to take this as a Victory.  And hoping the 1hr of walking the track at the club with Mindy today helped too.

Hip Hip Hooray............Hip Hip Hooray.........Today is the day that put a smile on my face!!

Missing my Nanna.

Today is Nanna's birthday.  Lindsey Lou called her Nanna and I called her Gram.  I grew up having my Grammy's birthday the day after mine and her twin brothers...my Great Uncle.  I have many pictures of celebrating our birthday together growing up.  I miss that.  She loved her kids, grandkids and then great grand kids so much.  She would have loved to get to hold Mindy for hours like she did with Lindsy Lou.  Lindsey Lou would sit so still as a baby for her Nanna...and for no one else.  Lindsey would on so many occasions sleep for up to 4 hours on the boppy on Nannas lap.  I wish Gram could have seen how beautiful she is now and what a little "fiesty pants" she has become.  Yes Gram that nickname was very suited for her.  Most of all I do miss Gram's crazy emails and anyone in the family know what I am talking about.  Those blasted emails that drove us nuts now drive us nuts that they are gone. 

I miss sharing our birthday cake/pie with you Gram and most of all I miss your love and support.  I hope you can see all of your kids and know there is a little bit of you in each of them.

I miss you!

Good advice and a great place.

I just wanted to make a quick note about a place that has helped me figure out how to do cloth diapering and so much more.  Kay at My Precious Kid in Hillsboro sat with me and showed me all the different types of diapers and styles and likes and dislikes people have of each.  It was a lot of information and I had to take it all in.  I went back to her store and purchased several different types to try out to see which type/kind I liked the best.  It is also nice to have so many other unique types of items right at my back door.  I was able to pick up a portable cushioned potty seat that has been a life saver for potty training on the go.  I now get my supply of Rocking Green Laundry Detergent there.  I have purchased my wet bag, diaper rash balm and even potty training pants are on order now.  She has answered questions over facebook too at http://www.facebook.com/#!/MyPreciousKid.  She is a wealth of information and has amazing products stocked that make my wish list a bit long.  If you live in the area I would stop by and check out what they have and even if you aren't in the area but have questions from cloth diapering, child safety or any other child/parenting question http://www.mypreciouskid.com/ is a great place to start.  Or even if you are a grandparent or looking to buy a baby shower gift.....they have a regisrty too that I wish I would have found before having my girls.  Thanks Kay for helping answer so many of my questions!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!!

Yes today I am a year older...I don't know about a year wiser part.  All I can say is I am so thankful for all the friends I have and the amazing family that loves us so much.  For my birthday I decided to do the next level of workouts on my video, yes a good butt kicking is always fun on your birthday.  I also decided to eat 1/2 of a cookie....WAHOOOO.  I also got a treat of peek-a-boo from Lindsey when she got up and kept peeking around the corner of the wall to see me.  And Auntie and Uncle treated us all to lunch at a local yummy cafe.  The main thing that I thought of today is that my baby girl is now 3 months old today and so healthy and Lindsey is growing up too fast.  An most importantly I am alive and have been given another day to live.  Cheers to birthdays but most importantly realizing how blessed you are and how thankful you should be everyday for the people in your life.

Purpose in life.

I know my main and ultimate purpose in life is to now raise my girls the very best that I can and love them with all my heart and soul.  But I have this pull that I am supposed to have another purpose too.  Please don't get me wrong.  I love my family and love the fact that I am able to stay at home with my girls and I would never want to change that.  I just have always felt I have a purpose that I haven't discovered yet.  Even after talking to my cousin who is so dear and close to me I realized that I really do need to figure this out...or maybe I will never.  But I honestly can't think that way.  It might all be that my mom had so many talents and gifts that I feel could have done so much good to so many people or she could have made a great business out of all those talents.  And now she is gone.

I know I am rambling here so bare with me.  I have always had a drive in me that is so strong even fierce but I have also always been so scared of failure that many times have not tried things that I knew I would be good at.  Rob has been such a good supporter when he has known I needed that extra push to keep going.  I have completed a half marathon that I don't think I would have ever done without his support and I am planning on next year doing a full marathon with his support and motivation. 

But there is a drive in me and some of it is based on success and a financial success.  Not that I am superficial and need all these expensive things.....that is the farthest from the truth.  I just need to find what would really drive me to succeed at whatever this is inside of me.  I once took one of those long long long questionaires that try and help you figure out what your career path should be.  For most people it would be in a general area.  For me it was all over the board.....Funeral Director (ummm no way), police officer, financial planner, teacher, construction worker, baker....I mean it was all over the place.  I wish I could find the list again because afte I took this test I honestly felt more confused than I did before and I was already confused.  Like I told my cousin tonight I am a lot like my mom in the notion that I feel like I am a "Jack of all trades, specialist of none!" type of person. 

I just know that my mom's death has such a huge impact on me and mainly my daily life.  The main point I keep coming back to that I keep thinking in my head is that you only have ONE life to live and you are living it...are you doing what makes you happy!

I HATE Jillian Michaels....

Okay, maybe I don't I kinda have a crush on her body and attitude but boy do I have to bite my tongue when Lindsey is around.

Well let me back track.  I went ahead and bought on Amazon her 30 day shred DVD and the 6 week abs one.  I had a groupon and a promo code so I got 2 of her DVD's and her book and something else for super cheap.  I love watching her on the biggest loser and lately I have felt like a big loser so I figure lets see what she can do for me.

On Monday I watched the 30 day shred level 1 and thought I can do this.  I have worked out a little bit since having the c-section.  Well I was so wrong.  It really isn't that hard of moves but the pace and the muscles that I haven't used in like a year are killing me.  Plus I have a toddler that does them with me...well if you know Lindsey you can just imagine how that goes.  Today Lindsey decided to sit on my legs while I was trying to do push ups and she tries to crawl under and around my legs when I am doing squats or lunges.  But back to the pain and torture.  Even after I went for my first run after having the baby I wasn't this sore.  I usually feel it the second day.  Well I could feel it the next morning and now today is the 3rd day of doing it and boy if this doesn't work I don't know what will.  My abs are sore, my legs are sore, my butt is sore, my arms are sore.

Yes I know this is a good thing and I am honestly glad I am able to get work outs in, when I can't make it to the gym....I am finally going to let Mindy go to daycare at the club this Friday but that is because I know one of our favorite girls will be there.

So Yes I HATE Jillian for being so damn good and for some how knowing at what point you are honestly getting tired and all of a sudden you hear her say...don't quit on me now keep going.  And you wonder how did she know you were about to drop out of that squat or lunge. 

Here is to tomorrow and another day with Jillian.  I am hoping that one day I can look in the mirror and say I love her for this torture.