Sweet Zone!

Why is it that right when you are about to get into your weight "Sweet" zone Christmas hits.  I only have 2.8lbs until I am in the range I have been trying to but over the past 3+ years pregnancy and baby weight have been happening.  But with our half marathon coming on 1/29 I think I will hit it finally.  From then I just want to loose 5-10 lbs.  Whatever my body wants to do and feels comfortable with.  But I guess for a day I will be in the zone because I have a colonoscopy on 12/30 so one way or the other I will loose some weight.  lol....sorry I know TMI.  But going into the new year I am really looking forward to trying new things and making fun goals to hit.  And getting as healthy as I have ever been....physically and mentally.  I already have some goals in mind and I am excited to get going on them.  Come ON 2012!  Or I should say Bring on 2012!!!

Races for 2012

So for those of you who like or love to run (or walk) or do races here is the list of ones I plan on doing this year.  I have signed up for many already so if you are going to be there let me know so we can at least get a picture together.  And if you can't do the distance I am doing many have walking portions too.  =-)

Tinker Bell Half Marathon:  Annaheim:  January 29th

Shamrock Run 15K: Portland:  March 18th

Run for the Roses Half Marathon: Portland:  April 1st

Rock -n- Roll Half Marathon: Portland:  May 20th

Pac-Crest (Pacific Crest): Sunriver: June 23rd

All Women's Duathlon/Triathlon: Fairview (Blue Lake):  TBA  Usually the last weekend in July

Scandi Run 10K: Junction City: August 11th (?)

Portland Marathon: Portland: October 7th  

My reason to run!

It came to me the other day..the thoughts of pure euphoria that I had signed up for a marathon...okay I didn't actually sign up Rob did for me as a gift but still now I have to run it.  But I was so excited and scared that I wanted to cry and throw up all at the same time.  I was NEVER a track person growing up.  I remember HATING with a passion running through the dirt trail next to Oaklea for the 1 mile loop.  I hated every minute of it.  And now fast forward 25 years later (ouch) I am going to run a marathon.  I know several of my family members and friends have ran marathons and most probably will have done it faster and  more easily.  But for once in my life I can leave the full throttle OCD type A personality at the door...or the starting line.  If you know me you know I can be a BIT competitive.  But I learned early on that I would never be the fastest and that is okay. 

I remember doing one my first races down in Eugene at the Truffle Trot.  My mom cheered me on and was so proud of me for finishing but mostly for just doing it.  Then for a few years my mom actually participated in quite a few races.  Several times she was the last one to finish but she didn't care.  She was out there running and she finished and that is all that mattered.  And I was so incredibly proud of her.  I will always remember those times and if I am ever the last one in a race with the motorcycle cop following closely behind me I will feel proud and just keep moving to the finish line.

Bare with me...like usual this is probably all scattered but that is just how I think and I am definitely not a writer.

So a few years back I participated in a Duathlon....my first real race besides the Shamrock run....and I was so excited about it.  But my mom couldn't be there to cheer me on due to the damn cancer.  But I made sure she was "there" with me.  I called her at the start and at the transition and told her how I was doing and how much fun it was.  My coach at the time had to laugh because my transition time was a bit on the long side but he completely understood.  I didn't care.  I had my mom with me in spirit and cheering me on half way through the race and at the finish line.  Honestly I would have called her during the race but I would have probably twisted my ankle or crashed.  lol  I will never forget that race.

One weekend my mom was able to come up and watch Rob do a triathlon.  She had so much fun.  She was heavy in the midst of all her cancer treatments and didn't get around that good but she cheered on every racer.  She was so proud of Rob and so thrilled at the whole experience.  She looked forward to seeing me race later on that summer.  I figured out a race that she could come up and see.  But then I realized it was twice the distance that I normally do.  I cried so hard and told her about it and that I knew it might be a little too much for me but I would do it so she could watch me do it.  She reassured me that there would be another race and she would see me race.  Well I got pregnant that fall and realized I wouldn't probably be able to race the next summer and it was then I knew I had lost my chance.

My mom passed away before she could ever see me race.  I raced in my 3rd duathlon the year after I had Lindsey and I raced it for mom.  I knew she was up there watching me finish and giving me that extra boost to keep me going. 

So I run because I can and because my mom can't... because I know she is watching over me during the races.... because I know how proud she would have been of me.  Which makes me so proud of myself. 

So I am sorry for all the posts on FB and emails and just plain conversation about running or races but I lost my chance to share this with my mom.  And I lost my chance for us to race together again.  So you get to hear all about it.

So I run because I can and because I know she is watching me cheering me on.

It's okay to be sad....mom!

As soon as I found out I was pregnant with Lindsey and the realization that my mom would not be around to see her grow...I knew she would be my patch to repair my heart for when my mom was gone.  As a newborn baby Lindsey was loved and held more than most babies.  She was held just because she was a baby and she was held for comfort in a very difficult time.  Having pictures of all my family holding her and loving her at such an early age was such a blessing.  Some times I wonder how I actually survived my moms death and then I look at those big ole blue eyes and remember all the nights just rocking and humming to her because I couldn't sing without crying.  All the nights that I just let her sleep on me because it was my comfort too.  She was the distraction and a blessing to everyone during the time of the funeral and she was our "patch" for our hearts.  Lindsey LOU was there to help us heal.  I don't know if she will ever realize how much she helped me and especially Nana...we used Lindsey Lou as our distraction from reality.

I usually don't try and hide my tears from her.  I have been crying since before she was born over the pending loss of my mom and then the day she left my life.  With all of this Lindsey has such a caring strong soul.

I have always taken Lindsey up to the cemetery with me so one day she will feel the one gust of wind that has hit my face every time I have gone up.  So she will understand that for mommy it is a place to cry and be happy all at the same time. 

The last time we pulled in to the cemetery Lindsey in her wisdom said "Mommy don't be sad.".  I hadn't even started crying or had even said anything.  But she knows the little dusty gravel driveway and where it leads too.  Yesterday daddy was with us for our traditional trip for me to drop some flowers off before we head back home.  We always look for the cows, horses or even the Tu-Tan-Kas (as Rob would say) as we head to the cemetery.  It is a beautiful place on a hill looking out to pastures.  Well this time the familiar dusty road was ahead and as we pulled in Lindsey said this time "Mom you CAN be sad."  Rob asked her what she said and she said "Daddy mommy can cry!"  I told her thank you and said yes mommy does get sad but it is okay.  The wisdom of this little girl is amazing.  One time she came up and gave me a big hug as I wept over my moms grave.

Only a child would have fun at a cemetery.  Lindsey ran around picking dandelions and put them on the graves around mom, grandma and grandpa's.  She didn't understand why I didn't put my flowers on the other ones so she said "this one is Jesse's and this one is Woody's and this one is...."  I guess the whole Toy Story gang will be taking over the cemetery.  lol

After Rob and I felt the gust of wind we headed back to the car.  As Lindsey was climbing in she yelled "Bye bye Grandma...bye bye Nana!".  I know they heard her sweet little voice. 

As we pulled away and headed back out the dusty gravel road Lindsey asked "Mommy are you happy now?"  I said "Yes baby mommy is so happy she has you and sister and daddy."  Even at a young little age she knows the routine and I am okay with that.  And hope she will know it is okay to be sad but to reallize all your blessings and live and be happy with that.

Smiles & Sunshine

I know it seems that I might always be posting about sad or negative stuff.  But this is just one way for me to let it all go.  For me if I can write it out then it is like setting it free.  So I decided to do a quick post on the things that do make me happy.

There is nothing better than a sunny warm spring day in Oregon.  The birds chirpping and singing their songs and letting you know it is time to celebrate.  I love digging in the garden or flower beds..to me I do get pure enjoyment from pulling weeds.  Yes it is probably weird but it is calming and fullfilling to me.  I love being outside and getting dirty and planting flowers and veggies.  I love the anticipation of what is to come.  And I love all the memories that come with this....they are the best memories that I have.

I love my girls....I love them more than anything.  I love Lindsey's giggles and I love her adventurous side and wanting to help mommy outside in the garden or inside in the kitchen.  I love Mindy putting her arms out sooo wide and banging her feet on the ground in excitement.  It melts my heart to see her big ole HUGE smile that she gets and she is so excited that she isn't even sure what noise to make.  My girls are my everything.

I love my husband.  I honestly never imagined having a husband like him.  I never thought I would find someone that is fine with me being me.  Someone that trusts me and believes in me without all the strings attatched.  I love the fact that he sometimes is brutally honest unintenionally and it just makes me laugh.  I love that he loves me and I love that he trully knows how much I love him.  He is amazing and am so grateful and blessed to have him in my life.

I love my extended family and love how much they take care of us. 

And I truly love frozen yogurt and yummy fruit.....yes this is one thing that makes me smile.

Some days I almost cry at how blessed I am.  Life is good and can only get better.

Round 2

So I knew with  my pregnancy with Lindsey it wasn't going to be the "normal" experience.  I was pregnant and my mom was battling cancer.  And my pregnancy was the one thing it seemed our family could be excited about at that time in our lives.  My mom clung to it and focused on it.  She used all the strength she had to make it to see Lindsey Lou come into this world. 

I really debated in my head if I could do another pregnancy...mentally.  Physically it takes a toll on my body.  I might produce healthy babies but my body is beaten down by the time it is all done.  I didn't even know how I could mentally handle being pregnant and not being able to talk to my mom every day.  Last April when I found out I was pregnant I was excited and scared all at the same time.  There had been a lot of deaths on both sides of the family after a baby had been born and I just couldn't take someone else dying after having a baby again.

But this time it was different.  I realized I could make this pregnancy as calm or as crazy as I wanted.  I knew after Mindy was born I needed some calm and peace in my life that I didn't have when Lindsey was born.  I craved it and was very excited to know I could make it happen.

The funny thing with plans...they are just that.  You can't plan for getting sick or getting injured.  You just have to roll with life and see where it takes you.

I had master plans of recovering fast from my c-section, loosing my baby weight, running in a 1/2 marathon 6 months after giving birth.  Well I didn't plan for postpartum, I didn't plan on Rob's back getting bad a month after having Mindy and I didn't plan on the differences from one child to the next.

Now I almost find it amusing that even without the craziness and sadness of my first pregnancy there is still all of that but in different ways and different variations with my second. 

There have been so many life challenges that have been thrown at me these past 5 years.  I am now just hoping I can learn from them and maybe even someday embrace them.  All of these stresses haven't killed me yet so they must be making me stronger.  And most importantly I hope...just hope it will help teach my girls that we are strong enough to make it through anything that God throws at us.  Some days it doesn't feel that way but I am still standing and still loving the life I do have.

Lost and Found

Well it has been a rough month.  Got a stomache bug and then my knee started hurting.  UGH...my IT Band started flairing up again.  And then my back started tweaking out again.  I still haven't quite figured out the whole "ME" time part and to be honest I haven't contacted my trainer because I can't run until my knee gets better.  I have still managed to loose a few lbs, some how.  I am very excited to register for Portland's 1st Rock & Roll 1/2 marathon for May 2012.  I need to just sign up for another one and that will make myself figured it all out because if you know me I hate wasting money and if I sign up for something I won't want to back out because of the fact it would be a waste of money.

On another note.  I have started working on making changes in my life.  I have actually started putting a value on my time and Rob's time.  We both thought we would end up fighting over getting the fence replaced.  But I realized that the time/energy/stress involved wasn't worth us doing it.  Summer here in Oregon only lasts a short time and I decided it wasn't worth spending a bunch of weekends building a fence and loosing a bunch of our summer.  Needless to say he was shocked and still is.

I have also started to look at getting rid of a few things that I have been packing around for years and keep meaning to get rid of.  It is funny becuase I know I should just get rid of them and donate them to a good cause but...for whatever reason I haven't been able to let go.  But I am now ready and if I don't get rid of them in the next month they are outta here.  I need to do that more with other things in my life too.

And the biggest WOW momment is even considering taking off with my Cousin this fall for a trip to Curacao.  Whether we can coordinate it or not...it is a huge step for me to even consider it.  So if it isn't this trip we will do some sort of trip one way or the other.

Hoping for more sunshine and time to be outside and plant more plants.  Spring is in the air and I can't wait to get outside and breathe...big deep breaths and enjoy my life.

Accountability

Accountability is just one of those words that can mean so much.  I have come to realization that I need to be honest and say I need to be accountable to someone else to some degree at least for awhile.  I was so proud of myself the other night when I reached for the grapefruit at 3am (needing to pump) instead of those darn cute and yummy chocolate teddy grahms from TJ's.  Hey they are low fat and all but the grapefruit was the better choice.  =-)  But when it comes to my workouts I am biting the bullet and contacting my trainer again.  I do love my workout video and all but with having 2 little ones to deal with doesn't always give me the time I need.  It isn't the most fun to have to stop in the middle of your workout to nurse and then try and jump right back in and finish.  So Liz will be getting an email and I will be getting my butt back in a routine.  Mindy hasn't had any issues with being at the daycare at the club and Lindsey doesn't ever want to leave....so it is time for more than the mid morning DVD and to get serious.  I feel like I am at the teetering point.  That point where you just back slide or you start going full tilt.  I want the full tilt.  I love pushing myself at things I never thought I could/would do.  I have lost a few more pounds but it still isn't enough.  I want to be at that point where I am on auto pilot.  I was almost there last year about this time and then a little something was brewing in my tummy so that all changed.  So here I am again a year later wanting to get to the point where I don't even think twice about doing my workout where I crave it and it won't be a second thought to grab the grapefruit instead of those yummy little cookies.  So Liz I am going to be a calling and just so you know I need to be accountable to you for now and eventually to me.

Happy Dance for the FAT Pants!!

Yes I am serious here.  I know most people would not be excited to fit into their fat pants....but boy am I EVER!!!  When you have a C-section you can't lift anything heavier than basically your baby for 6 weeks and in my case I hadn't been to the gym for so long from being so sick during my entire pregnancy.  So beings I had a late start to get the weight off then I took time off when everyone had colds here, I was way behind schedule.  So today I was tired of wearing my 2 pairs of prego pants with the elastic waist and decided to try on my fat pants.  I do have to say they are a bit snug around the waist but they fit and it didn't hurt to wear them.  :-0.  And I fit into a pair of capris pants even tho it really isn't that kind of weather yet I am still happy I can wear them.  I don't have the best will power so working out everyday lately and trying to eat real healthy has been hard to get back into.  But for me today it was a happy dance.

Three CHEERS for the FAT PANTS!!!  Now I can't wait to say I have to go buy some new ones when these are too small!  But one step at a time.  And even when Rob kinda laughed when I said hey I can fit into my fat pants...it was a good laugh it just sounds weird to be excited about.....I am going to take this as a Victory.  And hoping the 1hr of walking the track at the club with Mindy today helped too.

Hip Hip Hooray............Hip Hip Hooray.........Today is the day that put a smile on my face!!

Missing my Nanna.

Today is Nanna's birthday.  Lindsey Lou called her Nanna and I called her Gram.  I grew up having my Grammy's birthday the day after mine and her twin brothers...my Great Uncle.  I have many pictures of celebrating our birthday together growing up.  I miss that.  She loved her kids, grandkids and then great grand kids so much.  She would have loved to get to hold Mindy for hours like she did with Lindsy Lou.  Lindsey Lou would sit so still as a baby for her Nanna...and for no one else.  Lindsey would on so many occasions sleep for up to 4 hours on the boppy on Nannas lap.  I wish Gram could have seen how beautiful she is now and what a little "fiesty pants" she has become.  Yes Gram that nickname was very suited for her.  Most of all I do miss Gram's crazy emails and anyone in the family know what I am talking about.  Those blasted emails that drove us nuts now drive us nuts that they are gone. 

I miss sharing our birthday cake/pie with you Gram and most of all I miss your love and support.  I hope you can see all of your kids and know there is a little bit of you in each of them.

I miss you!

Good advice and a great place.

I just wanted to make a quick note about a place that has helped me figure out how to do cloth diapering and so much more.  Kay at My Precious Kid in Hillsboro sat with me and showed me all the different types of diapers and styles and likes and dislikes people have of each.  It was a lot of information and I had to take it all in.  I went back to her store and purchased several different types to try out to see which type/kind I liked the best.  It is also nice to have so many other unique types of items right at my back door.  I was able to pick up a portable cushioned potty seat that has been a life saver for potty training on the go.  I now get my supply of Rocking Green Laundry Detergent there.  I have purchased my wet bag, diaper rash balm and even potty training pants are on order now.  She has answered questions over facebook too at http://www.facebook.com/#!/MyPreciousKid.  She is a wealth of information and has amazing products stocked that make my wish list a bit long.  If you live in the area I would stop by and check out what they have and even if you aren't in the area but have questions from cloth diapering, child safety or any other child/parenting question http://www.mypreciouskid.com/ is a great place to start.  Or even if you are a grandparent or looking to buy a baby shower gift.....they have a regisrty too that I wish I would have found before having my girls.  Thanks Kay for helping answer so many of my questions!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!!

Yes today I am a year older...I don't know about a year wiser part.  All I can say is I am so thankful for all the friends I have and the amazing family that loves us so much.  For my birthday I decided to do the next level of workouts on my video, yes a good butt kicking is always fun on your birthday.  I also decided to eat 1/2 of a cookie....WAHOOOO.  I also got a treat of peek-a-boo from Lindsey when she got up and kept peeking around the corner of the wall to see me.  And Auntie and Uncle treated us all to lunch at a local yummy cafe.  The main thing that I thought of today is that my baby girl is now 3 months old today and so healthy and Lindsey is growing up too fast.  An most importantly I am alive and have been given another day to live.  Cheers to birthdays but most importantly realizing how blessed you are and how thankful you should be everyday for the people in your life.

Purpose in life.

I know my main and ultimate purpose in life is to now raise my girls the very best that I can and love them with all my heart and soul.  But I have this pull that I am supposed to have another purpose too.  Please don't get me wrong.  I love my family and love the fact that I am able to stay at home with my girls and I would never want to change that.  I just have always felt I have a purpose that I haven't discovered yet.  Even after talking to my cousin who is so dear and close to me I realized that I really do need to figure this out...or maybe I will never.  But I honestly can't think that way.  It might all be that my mom had so many talents and gifts that I feel could have done so much good to so many people or she could have made a great business out of all those talents.  And now she is gone.

I know I am rambling here so bare with me.  I have always had a drive in me that is so strong even fierce but I have also always been so scared of failure that many times have not tried things that I knew I would be good at.  Rob has been such a good supporter when he has known I needed that extra push to keep going.  I have completed a half marathon that I don't think I would have ever done without his support and I am planning on next year doing a full marathon with his support and motivation. 

But there is a drive in me and some of it is based on success and a financial success.  Not that I am superficial and need all these expensive things.....that is the farthest from the truth.  I just need to find what would really drive me to succeed at whatever this is inside of me.  I once took one of those long long long questionaires that try and help you figure out what your career path should be.  For most people it would be in a general area.  For me it was all over the board.....Funeral Director (ummm no way), police officer, financial planner, teacher, construction worker, baker....I mean it was all over the place.  I wish I could find the list again because afte I took this test I honestly felt more confused than I did before and I was already confused.  Like I told my cousin tonight I am a lot like my mom in the notion that I feel like I am a "Jack of all trades, specialist of none!" type of person. 

I just know that my mom's death has such a huge impact on me and mainly my daily life.  The main point I keep coming back to that I keep thinking in my head is that you only have ONE life to live and you are living it...are you doing what makes you happy!

I HATE Jillian Michaels....

Okay, maybe I don't I kinda have a crush on her body and attitude but boy do I have to bite my tongue when Lindsey is around.

Well let me back track.  I went ahead and bought on Amazon her 30 day shred DVD and the 6 week abs one.  I had a groupon and a promo code so I got 2 of her DVD's and her book and something else for super cheap.  I love watching her on the biggest loser and lately I have felt like a big loser so I figure lets see what she can do for me.

On Monday I watched the 30 day shred level 1 and thought I can do this.  I have worked out a little bit since having the c-section.  Well I was so wrong.  It really isn't that hard of moves but the pace and the muscles that I haven't used in like a year are killing me.  Plus I have a toddler that does them with me...well if you know Lindsey you can just imagine how that goes.  Today Lindsey decided to sit on my legs while I was trying to do push ups and she tries to crawl under and around my legs when I am doing squats or lunges.  But back to the pain and torture.  Even after I went for my first run after having the baby I wasn't this sore.  I usually feel it the second day.  Well I could feel it the next morning and now today is the 3rd day of doing it and boy if this doesn't work I don't know what will.  My abs are sore, my legs are sore, my butt is sore, my arms are sore.

Yes I know this is a good thing and I am honestly glad I am able to get work outs in, when I can't make it to the gym....I am finally going to let Mindy go to daycare at the club this Friday but that is because I know one of our favorite girls will be there.

So Yes I HATE Jillian for being so damn good and for some how knowing at what point you are honestly getting tired and all of a sudden you hear her say...don't quit on me now keep going.  And you wonder how did she know you were about to drop out of that squat or lunge. 

Here is to tomorrow and another day with Jillian.  I am hoping that one day I can look in the mirror and say I love her for this torture.

Who inspires you?

Yes that is a question many times we are asked and we have asked ourselves.  For me it can be my amazing husband or my beautiful little girls and other times it is my mom.  She taught me so much about strength and love but she also did unfortunately teach me to not always put myself first.  I am not saying this is a bad thing.  She just always put her kids and then grand kids and then any family member that needed it FIRST over herself.  She had a great life but I do wonder what could have been if she would have put her self first just a little bit more.  I do it too.....I usually put Rob first because he works so hard for our family and he has given me more than I could ever ask for.  But now that we have the girls they come first and then Rob and then probably the dogs and then me.  Don't get me wrong this isn't a rant about poor me and how great I am.  That is far from the truth.  This is just me saying I am so thankful my mom taught me to take care of those I love and try to do right by those who love me.  I do know I do need to sometimes stop and say NO!  It is my time and that is that.  But let's be honest, I will only do it when I am at my wits ends and need a break.  So I guess all I need to ask myself is "Who does inspire me and why?".  Right now I need to focus on my mom as my inspiration....along with the good of that and the bad.  I need to find the balance of giving and loving my family to inspire them to do the same but I also need to love myself enough to take time for myself to show my daughters there is a healthy balance.  If you knew my mom you knew she was many times "All or Nothing".  When she did something that is all she concentrated on and did it until she and the rest of us were overwhelmed by it.  How many crochet items did one really need.  lol  I too have this issue at times.  I want it 110% perfect or I just don't want to deal with it.  I need to find balance so that the inspiration my mom has taught me can flourish but the inspiration I want my daughters to see can thrive in them.  I know this will be something I will deal with all my life.  But I guess my question is to you "Who inspires you and why?".

Now thats AMAZIN!

As my daughter would say, now that is "AMAZIN"...I pumped, got to the gym did 50 fast minutes of good cardio, got home fed Mindy, took a shower and had breakfast going by 8:30.  Yes for most people this wouldn't be that big of a deal but I am still trying to figure out how to get everything that needs to be done...well done.  I had to get up at 5am to pump since Mindy sleeps through the night my poor boobs just can't take it that long.  So any way, I was up and decided well I can sit here and veg, go back to bed or just bite the bullet and go to the gym while everyone is sleeping.  After sitting on the couch and almost falling asleep I dragged my dreary bum up and went to the gym.  I honestly don't understand how some of these super moms look so good and get everything done and have a happy healthy family.  And yes some of my friends are these women.  Maybe once I loose the 20-30 lbs I would love to shed I will have the energy to be a somewhat  super mom.  Until then I keep dragging my bum to the gym and keep thinking I will look & feel AMAZIN soon.

I love you momma~

Some days I honestly wonder how I was choosen to be these beautiful little girls mom.  Yes I know the whole "how a baby is made".  But honestly my girls are so healthy and happy...except for the occaisonal toddler meltdown....I couldn't have been blessed with better daughters.  I guess the pain I have been through with loosing mom and the pain I still go through daily makes me appreciate them so much.  YES there are days that I just want to close my eyes and have peace and quiet and a glass of wine...and some days a shot.  The smiles on their precious faces and hearing "I love you momma!"  always takes all the challenges away.  The main thing I pray I can give to my daughters is that I love them as much as my mom loved me and that I can provide them with the knowledge of how much she would have loved them too.

And away we go....down that is.

Well I am down another pound today and so far 9 lbs since coming back from Bend.  I am still trying to get back to my pre-pregnancy weight so I can then loose the last few lbs to get to my goal weight.  The only problem is I still have the biggest stinking sweet tooth and with Lindsey potty training we have little sweets to intice her during the training period...okay okay they are bribes but hey they work.  I just can't wait until I actually have a waist again, I feel like a big square blob right now.  I am still trying to figure out how to get to bed before midnight every night so I can wake up at 4am to pump and then hit the gym before Rob is up to go to work and before the girls are up.  I am one of those that if I don't keep to a schedule I have too hard of a time being focused and dedicated.  NOT that the two 1/2 marathons I have committed to doing should be enough to keep me motivated.  =-)  Well I will just have to keep praying that those tootise rolls will stop talking to me.

Here goes nothing

Well here goes nothing.  I decided to write about the misadventures of my life with two precious little blue eyed girls and a fabulous husband.  And the happy times of having the best family I could ask for, the triumphs and tribulations of my weight loss journey, the struggles of loosing my mom and missing her & anything else the tickles my soul.